Sunday, August 14, 2011

Cracked under Pressure

You always like to think that when something bad happens you will rise up to the occasion and do what you have to do, be the hero, but yesterday that vision slapped me right across the face, hard.  I was putting Sophia into her crib, while she was feeding, and I must have gotten her feeding tube wedged between myself and the side of the crib, because when I went to put her down on the mattress, the WHOLE TUBE came out, leaving a little hole in her tummy where the tube was supposed to be.  The lights were out and it was dark in her room, but I instantly knew I had pulled the whole thing out this time, not just the top part like I've done numerous times before.  I flipped on the lights and was standing there will the whole button in my hand.  I immediately started yelling for Randy to get the emergency kit to put in a temporary tube, so the hole wouldn't close up completely.  When he came in with the kit, I was a wreck, shaking, talking fast and complete nonsense.  I felt completely out of control and didn't know what to do first or where to even start.  Here Sophia is just laying on her changing table, looking around like nothing has even happened.  None of it obviously hurt and she had no idea that it had even came out.  After a few minutes of me talking in circles and getting nowhere, Randy stepped up and did what needed to be done.  SLAP!  I'm the mom, I'm supposed to be the one to take care of my kids, always, and I couldn't.  Of course things are fine now.  We went up to Indy and got a new tube put in, which ended up to be a piece of cake, and things are fine and dandy.  I definitely feel like next time, not that there will be a next time, but if there is I hope I'll be ready.  I like to think that if Randy hadn't been here I would have rose to the occasion and did what needed to be done, because who else would have done it?  But falling apart the way I did yesterday was such a disappointment and I can't believe how bad I cracked under the pressure :(  Better luck next time, eh?   

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