Monday, May 28, 2012

I'm special too.

Jayden is smart, funny and independent.  She is healthy, full of life and spunky.  She is a talker, a mover and a shaker.  She aims to please others and deep down is a loving and compassionate little girl.  Jayden is what a text book might call, the perfect child. 

From day one, Jayden has always been right on track.  I had an easy, breezy pregnancy with her.  She was born on the exact day that she was supposed to be, and was a healthy 8 pounds 6 ounces and perfectly pink.  She rolled over, sat up, crawled, walked and talked right when the books said she should, or even before.  I have a feeling that Jayden is going to be that kid who will be waiting for the rest of her peers to catch up to her.  Does all of that make me proud?  Yeah, I guess so.  I mean of course I'm proud of everything that Jayden accomplishes, but I've come to realize that being first at everything isn't THAT big of a deal.  I know that things come easier for Jayden, but I also know that she works hard at certain things too, so that she be her best. 

For three years almost, Jayden was the center of our world.  She was our everything, and all of our love and attention was focused on one little girl, and I know she felt all that love and attention every. single. day.  Then another little blessing came into our world and all of that love and attention not only had to be shared with a sister, but a sister who had some pretty time consuming special needs. 

I still remember the day Sophia was born, and the days following.  I was unprepared, in so many ways, but mostly I was unprepared for leaving my oldest daughter for a whole month off and on.  Jayden was about to turn three in a few short months and as much as I had tried to get her big girl panties on before her sister got here, I practically threw them on her and pulled them up and sent her on her way once Sophia joined us.  There was just SO MUCH to juggle in the beginning.  Oxygen tanks, feeding tubes, doctor appointments, therapies, approaching surgeries, a sick heart, and on and on and on.  Jayden was a trooper.  She followed Sophia and I to boring appointments, she watched, as patiently as she could, while people came into our home to "play" with Sophia.  She happily went from one family member to another when we'd have to go stay at the hospital, either unexpectedly or planned.  All of this was so new for all of us, but to a three year old little girl, getting a new baby sister is a huge adjustment, so I can't even imagine what was going on in her little head. 

Now, three more years later, Jayden is a big kid, even though she acts like a baby at times :), but seems SO grown up that I forget that she is still a kid.  I expect so much from her, because I know that she is capable of rising to the occasion, but with all the hustle and bustle I forget that she is still only 5 going on 6, not 16. 

Jayden is so special to me and holds a piece of my heart that no one could ever have.  She is AMAZING!  But I feel like there are a lot of times that she doesn't feel special or amazing.  I know that she gets the short end of the stick a lot because she can do so much for herself.  Every child craves love and attention, especially from their parents and I try so hard to equally show my girls how my heart spills over with all the love that I have for them, but sometimes I worry that she just doesn't know how special I think she is, because all she can see is all the special attention that her little sister gets.....               

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Cause you gotta have FAITH

I was born and raised Catholic.  I went to a Catholic school, where we had a religion class every day and church once a week, plus mass on Sundays with my dad.  I've always believed in God.  Why wouldn't I, when that was all I have ever known, all I've ever been taught.  But through the years I have struggled a little with wondering where I belong in this whole world of religion.  There are some things that I just don't agree with when it comes to the Catholic religion.  But I believe in God.  I believe in miracles.  I believe in Heaven.  I believe that God is all forgiving.  I believe that God brings each and every one of us into this world for a reason and He also takes us out of this world, when He says it's time, for a reason.

There are a few blogs that I follow, where the women who write these blogs are what I would say, "very religious."  They know the bible like the back of their hand.  They relate all things, good and bad, to God.  They are involved and active in their faith, church and religion, which are HUGE parts of their lives.  I don't consider myself a "very religious" person, but when I read their blogs, they make me feel like I am listening to the best sermon I've ever heard.  They are so connected with their faith in such a way that it just draws me in and opens me up to another side of God that I never really saw before.

I've learned so much about faith and hope and miracles and God in the past 3 years than I ever learned going to a Catholic school for 13 years.  I mean, when you watch your own child fighting for her life from the get go, then have to hand her over to a complete stranger 6 short months later to have them cut your baby right down the middle of her chest and perform a life saving surgery on such a teeny, tiny just have to believe in something.

I've become more aware of the world, the entire world, around me.  Babies who are judged from the minute they are born and left to waste away in a crib, unless someone extra ordinary comes to swoop them up and take them home to love on them forever.  Or babies who are born with unfair circumstances and only get to spend such a short time here on earth before returning back home.  And the ones who are here to bear such a heavy cross and must suffer, day in and day out.  It's always been hard for me to understand why such an awesome and all powerful God would allow these things to happen, to sweet and innocent babies no less, but I read something a few months back that made that light bulb click on and I feel like a part of me gets it now, even though it makes me sick to realize that something bad always has to happen for something good to happen in return. 

I truly believe that most people are kind and loving, and caring and compassionate.  But we are all so caught up in our own lives, that we tend to forget about others.  So when we are faced with something, or someone, who is struggling and could use a little extra love and support, we find it in our hearts to rise up to the occasion and give back, whatever we can.  Whether it be financial support, or kind words, or a heart felt prayer to God.  We tend to rise up and help make a difference.  Because truly, a lot of people really are kind and loving, and caring and compassionate, but unfortunately it takes pain and suffering of others to make a lot of people stop what is happening in their own lives and take a second to think about another human being. 

Over the last year or two, I have seen what the power of people and prayer can do for others in need.  It's so amazing!  Strangers coming together to comfort one another and give encouraging words and provide strength to those who need it most.  People, who have never met one another and probably never will, making moutains out of mole hills for another life less fortunate then their own.  Now to me, that is God, working tirelessly to help each one of us realize that we all can make a difference in the life of someone else.  We are all carrying our own cross here on earth, some are just blessed with a heavier cross to bear then others.  And I know that a heavy cross usually doesn't feel like a "blessing", but I've come to realize that the heavier the cross, the bigger the impact you will have on yourself or someone else, to change the way this world works.         

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Random Pics.

Watching some Baby Einstein :)

Playin on the computer at the library

Jayden wanted her hair straightened because she was sick of looking like Gallagher :)  (The poor girl can't help it she has CrAzY hair, just like her mama!)

Posing for a picture at the Children's Museum

Having fun at the museum :)

Lovin on her Great Grandma Mary (heart)  Seeing my girls love their grandparents, and great grandparents, melts my heart!  I had such a great relationship with my grandma and it's so important to me that my girls have the same relationship with their grandparents.  Love, Love, Love :)