Monday, May 28, 2012

I'm special too.

Jayden is smart, funny and independent.  She is healthy, full of life and spunky.  She is a talker, a mover and a shaker.  She aims to please others and deep down is a loving and compassionate little girl.  Jayden is what a text book might call, the perfect child. 

From day one, Jayden has always been right on track.  I had an easy, breezy pregnancy with her.  She was born on the exact day that she was supposed to be, and was a healthy 8 pounds 6 ounces and perfectly pink.  She rolled over, sat up, crawled, walked and talked right when the books said she should, or even before.  I have a feeling that Jayden is going to be that kid who will be waiting for the rest of her peers to catch up to her.  Does all of that make me proud?  Yeah, I guess so.  I mean of course I'm proud of everything that Jayden accomplishes, but I've come to realize that being first at everything isn't THAT big of a deal.  I know that things come easier for Jayden, but I also know that she works hard at certain things too, so that she be her best. 

For three years almost, Jayden was the center of our world.  She was our everything, and all of our love and attention was focused on one little girl, and I know she felt all that love and attention every. single. day.  Then another little blessing came into our world and all of that love and attention not only had to be shared with a sister, but a sister who had some pretty time consuming special needs. 

I still remember the day Sophia was born, and the days following.  I was unprepared, in so many ways, but mostly I was unprepared for leaving my oldest daughter for a whole month off and on.  Jayden was about to turn three in a few short months and as much as I had tried to get her big girl panties on before her sister got here, I practically threw them on her and pulled them up and sent her on her way once Sophia joined us.  There was just SO MUCH to juggle in the beginning.  Oxygen tanks, feeding tubes, doctor appointments, therapies, approaching surgeries, a sick heart, and on and on and on.  Jayden was a trooper.  She followed Sophia and I to boring appointments, she watched, as patiently as she could, while people came into our home to "play" with Sophia.  She happily went from one family member to another when we'd have to go stay at the hospital, either unexpectedly or planned.  All of this was so new for all of us, but to a three year old little girl, getting a new baby sister is a huge adjustment, so I can't even imagine what was going on in her little head. 

Now, three more years later, Jayden is a big kid, even though she acts like a baby at times :), but seems SO grown up that I forget that she is still a kid.  I expect so much from her, because I know that she is capable of rising to the occasion, but with all the hustle and bustle I forget that she is still only 5 going on 6, not 16. 

Jayden is so special to me and holds a piece of my heart that no one could ever have.  She is AMAZING!  But I feel like there are a lot of times that she doesn't feel special or amazing.  I know that she gets the short end of the stick a lot because she can do so much for herself.  Every child craves love and attention, especially from their parents and I try so hard to equally show my girls how my heart spills over with all the love that I have for them, but sometimes I worry that she just doesn't know how special I think she is, because all she can see is all the special attention that her little sister gets.....               

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